You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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