Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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