My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
