sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
