So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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