Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
