considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
