Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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