i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
