My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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