If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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