I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
