Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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