I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
