he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
