Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
