I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
