haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
