it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
