the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
