His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
