take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
