I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
