i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
