she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
