Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
