How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
