My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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