i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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