Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
