Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
