just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
