I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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