If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
