dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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