Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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