How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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