he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
