Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
