I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
