hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
