Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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