when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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