She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
