its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
