do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
