The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
