this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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