I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
