im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
