Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
