She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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