just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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