Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
